An aggregated mind aggravated

(this post is about a month old. In the meantime, I feel better now)

I had a pretty hectic internal deadline today. I am currently struggling with some math formulas and various variances and it’s all just a little infuriating. I hate it when numbers refuse to add up for no apparent reason. It’s time to equip my detective hat and matching Sherlock pipe.

There is a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth.

My job appears more dead-end every day. Fantasies and legends of more money and greener grass on the other side abound. Today I toyed with a recruitment website. It dawned on me fairly early on that me finding suitable employment elsewhere would be pointless if it’s not in close proximity to that of the spouse. Irritated, I abandoned that quest.

My house is not nearly as clean as I’d like it to be.

The exam I wrote on Saturday is a “no comment” sort of event. It wasn’t so devastating, nor was it a light summer breeze on a warm day. I have a glimmer of hope, but not much thereof. Of the 800 possible answers I memorised, only 1 appeared; the first question. And, I couldn’t remember the answer. That figures.

My qualifications are stagnating; there is no growth.

Is it too early in my life for me to be experiencing a mid life crisis? I don’t know. There is a clear lack of progress in my life. There is only stagnation. Every month I get broker, with the rumours of more money elsewhere ubiquitous. Locating such lucrative employment is another story entirely.

I remain fat.

At what point in my life should I be chasing contentment and joy in my career, if at all? Is this reserved for a select few? Is it only for the few financially free? Is generating income from elsewhere the only key to happiness? That cannot be. My qualifications and experience remain insufficient for the lifestyle I lead.

I’m broke.

I’m tired of feeling dumb. I’m tired of being a liability. I’m so very tired of wasting away my life. I don’t even know if not working would solve all my issues. I realise the only person in my life that can give me happiness, is me. I realise bitching has no positive function. I realise I’m wasting my time and therefore my life.

Maybe volunteer work is the answer: Art teacher for pre-schoolers? Perhaps.

By request

The watered down effect

The watered down effect

I’m back in the audit game (admittedly, not as awesome and prolific as the medical game, or … any other profession really). The work is rather a bit yawn, but this time around the client staff is courteous and friendly. Having things in common, like having spawned some rugrats, comes in handy.

Now that working conditions are ideal, I realise that the house wife thing may not be as overrated as I first imagined. I enjoyed the 4 months at home, and it’s not just about lazing about at home. It’s about seeing my kid grow up and progress. It’s about having a clean environment to live in. And it’s about knowing where we left our keys, and where the kid’s bottles are. (My husband has this habit of just putting the bottle lids down wherever. This makes for frantic mornings before work.)

When I was at home, I also had time to work on my hobbies, like painting and scrapbooking. The baby would sleep either in the morning or the afternoon. But, there was usually a 3 hour period I could do whatever. And, when I was doing laundry, I would carry her around with me in her sling.

As an aside – the water bill was damn near R200 per month in the months when I was doing our laundry at home. Now that this function has been outsourced to my husband’s mom’s maid, the water bill is something ridiculous, like R20. You can’t beat those prices.

So, more pregnancy related news – apparently, the depo shot I had done just after having the kid is still wreaking havoc. This is a contraceptive sort of shot. You only need to take it once every 3 months or something like that. Now, I only had the shot done once. As it turns out, not only does the depo shot make you fat, but it also makes you leak forever. Doctor says I should give it 2 more months before I go to been seen again. Also – you are not ovulating while you are leaking. So, I am therefore sterile for now. The hubby and I had decided to get on with having the 2nd kid, but I suppose that will have to wait now. Stupid Depo shot.

And in other news, the financial burden remains heavy, but we will find a way.