An aggregated mind aggravated

(this post is about a month old. In the meantime, I feel better now)

I had a pretty hectic internal deadline today. I am currently struggling with some math formulas and various variances and it’s all just a little infuriating. I hate it when numbers refuse to add up for no apparent reason. It’s time to equip my detective hat and matching Sherlock pipe.

There is a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth.

My job appears more dead-end every day. Fantasies and legends of more money and greener grass on the other side abound. Today I toyed with a recruitment website. It dawned on me fairly early on that me finding suitable employment elsewhere would be pointless if it’s not in close proximity to that of the spouse. Irritated, I abandoned that quest.

My house is not nearly as clean as I’d like it to be.

The exam I wrote on Saturday is a “no comment” sort of event. It wasn’t so devastating, nor was it a light summer breeze on a warm day. I have a glimmer of hope, but not much thereof. Of the 800 possible answers I memorised, only 1 appeared; the first question. And, I couldn’t remember the answer. That figures.

My qualifications are stagnating; there is no growth.

Is it too early in my life for me to be experiencing a mid life crisis? I don’t know. There is a clear lack of progress in my life. There is only stagnation. Every month I get broker, with the rumours of more money elsewhere ubiquitous. Locating such lucrative employment is another story entirely.

I remain fat.

At what point in my life should I be chasing contentment and joy in my career, if at all? Is this reserved for a select few? Is it only for the few financially free? Is generating income from elsewhere the only key to happiness? That cannot be. My qualifications and experience remain insufficient for the lifestyle I lead.

I’m broke.

I’m tired of feeling dumb. I’m tired of being a liability. I’m so very tired of wasting away my life. I don’t even know if not working would solve all my issues. I realise the only person in my life that can give me happiness, is me. I realise bitching has no positive function. I realise I’m wasting my time and therefore my life.

Maybe volunteer work is the answer: Art teacher for pre-schoolers? Perhaps.