Even more vivid dreams

Since I’ve been pregnant, my dreams have become incredibly detailed, colourful, real.

The other night, there were snakes everywhere. And a horned pale green one chasing me. Every time it got close to me, I would freeze. It was after me. I was supposed to pack some things for a trip, but everywhere I touched, were tiny wormy red and black, black and yellow snakes. Not fun.

This morning, I dreamt that 2 of my most esteemed and kind hearted colleagues had double teamed up on a girl, a little blonde thing. Then, they had consensually deflowered her. The dream has me yelling at them from my soap box how irresponsible what they have done is. And, that it was a gift for her one day husband, etc. She just sat there on the floor, looking dazed and confused.

Then there was the dream that my husband was forcefully and with intent trying to hurt the baby by squeezing on my stomach. So much so, that it was painful to me. This happened twice, then I woke up.

A recurring theme has been my husband cheating on me, leaving me, abandoning me. Usually an ex features. And usually he is callous towards me, uncaring.

My pregnancy books say that these dreams during pregnancy are usually an expression of one’s most deeply rooted fears.

Well, the snake dream is easily explained away. I was reading a short story about a man with a deadly snake slumbering on his stomach, scared out of his mind. I fell asleep with the book on the bed.

This morning’s dream… is a bit more random. I’ve been discussing old time values and so on with one of the client personnel. So, the neurons could be firing off on that. It bothers me when I hear of infidelity and shameless irresponsible actions; especially where trust is broken. It just cuts deep.

And, of course, I have abandonment issues. I usually end up being left by my significant other, as a result of being too clingy. Usually.

These clear dreams have been a blessing and a curse.

There have been more nights than I’d like to count, when I wake up from an abandonment nightmare. Then, with murder in my eyes, I abruptly move away from the husband. He, of course, oblivious to the wrong doings he had committed in my dreams. But, it feels so REAL.

Then, when I have the other nightmares, it’s nice to have someone’s chest to hide in and someone to hold onto when one is scared right out of your mind.

See? Blessing and curse.

The pregnancy books say most people dream about the coming baby.

That only happened to me in the beginning. I wonder, as the time approaches, will I have more baby related dreams? Or, will it always just be all about me?

Pregnant pause

Ravaged by medical costs, this month is turning out to be a bit on the thin side, other than my (34%) body fat. Sigh. It seems that pay day just can’t get here soon enough.

Tax season is also here. I’m anxiously awaiting my tax return. I expect that I will have a huge payment to make, because my prior employer did not deduct the tax from travel claims received. About R5,000. Last year it was a Christmas surprise, and all my holiday money went with it. This year, I am prepared.

Also, we had our first ante-natal class last night. Somehow, I got the times wrong, and we were half an hour late. Somehow, we didn’t miss much. It was about breastfeeding, and the first couple days after birth. I don’t know if I’m gonna be having more kids, if the stuff about bursting, broken and bleeding nipples is true. But, I have no reason to doubt the nurse who presents the class.

I’ve been going to gym every now and again. I saw online that the ideal workout should not exceed 145 heartbeats per minute for us pregnant ladies. I usually exercise at 120. More than that makes me feel like I’m gonna die or something. So, yeah.

I’ve also learned that the best kind of exercise for me to get, would be water aerobics. Luckily, the gym does offer these classes. Unluckily, all 3 sets of my pre-pregnancy bikinis no longer fit. So, I’m gonna have to make a plan. I look forward to this class, though. The instructor seems friendly and well versed with this stuff. She has had some babies of her own. Her tips and knowledge have been invaluable.

Next year, once I’ve popped, I’m gonna be getting back into shape, post haste. I just don’t wanna be too hard on myself now regarding my weight. But, I can’t help but feel I’ve gone to the dark side of obesity. My pre-pregnancy BMI was about 20, which bordered on under-weight. Now, it’s 29,oh-my-god-30-is-obese-and-I’m-decimal-points-away-from-it!

I’ve gained 20 kilograms since I got pregnant, and I’m not even in my 3rd trimester yet. That can’t be good. My husband said I shouldn’t worry so much; I’m too vain to become a fatty. ^_^ (That’s not a direct quote or anything, just a paraphrase.) To myself, I don’t look grotesquely obese, but the indicators are worrying me.

I’m solidly booked on work for the next 9 weeks. My maternity leave starts on the 17th of November. After hearing about 3 – 4 hour breastfeeding frequency last night, I’m having serious misgivings about my ability to pass QE next year. It’s gonna be … nigh impossible, despite having all that time off. The story goes that I will be physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted trying to take care of my little ninja.

I have 9 more weeks of work, then I’m off. I can’t wait.

Post script
Just a note to all the survivors of 9/11; It’s been 7 years. We pray for you all.