i reject your reality and substitute my own

I reject your reality and substitute my own

So, I am in the final weeks of my glorious maternity leave. In over a little more than 6 weeks, I will be returning back to work. Not really looking forward to that. I mean, who’s gonna look after my baby satisfactorily.

For one thing, I don’t think my baby needs to cry. She shouldn’t have to. I know when she is hungry or tired or needs a change. I know when she has painful winds and so on. It is of paramount importance that her basic needs are taken care of before she feels the need to complain bitterly about them. I mean, that’s just abuse – leaving a baby to cry.

My great resolution to go to gym daily has fallen flat on its face on day 2. Yesterday was fairly brutal. My heart rate was way up. I attend the gym classes. Today I am missing an aerobics session. Yesterday we used a torture device, or “gymstick” as they call it. It was just… brutal.

On waking up this morning, my entire body cried out in pain. Arms, legs and other muscle-y bits just weren’t having it. So, I stayed in bed instead of the plan – which would be to make a bottle for the kid, get her washed and in her cot for the trip.

Getting ready for any trip these days is one long process. There are so many things a baby needs. Can’t go anywhere without a prepared nappy bag, including sterilised and filled bottle of milk – either mine or some formula. The baby needs to be bathed at least daily; clean clothes, clean blankets, clean spit-up napkin. It’s a lot of work. Preparation takes time. And more time means rising earlier in the morning. Not exactly my forte.

It’s been raining here a lot this week, which is great for the miniature garden at the back of the house. For some unknown reason, the side door to the garage has swollen shut and cannot be opened. My washing machine is in that garage. And we lock the garage door from the inside. The result? Can’t get to the washing machine. No laundry can be done. Total disaster.

Hanging out with my little ‘un has been awesome. She sleeps, eats and makes dirty nappies. Sometimes she smiles at me. Huge gummy grins. They are just the cutest damn thing. She is just the cutest damn thing. She sucks on her whole hands, and wails out when no milk miraculously seeps from them.

She has the curliest hair I’ve ever seen on a baby. Her hair is a feathery texture; soft. When stretched out, the hair is fairly long. She is only just over 2 months old now. I really should be taking more photos. My baby is a honey brown colour. I suppose this is the colour the tanning industry is built on. She is just the perfect yummy colour.

My baby has big brown eyes. They used to be pools of purest black during the first weeks of her life. But, subtly, the brown appeared. It’s a very deep dark brown, much like her dad’s.

Being at home with a baby is more work than it seems. When she is awake, she is prone to crying if she is alone in a room. I don’t want to leave my baby by herself. I’m pretty worried that something might happen to her. So, when she is awake, I hang out with her. When she sleeps, I get a chance to do chores. Dishes, laundry (when I can get to the machine); just general cleaning, picking up, straightening up, dusting, wiping, cooking.

Sigh

I have a lot to do.

The grocery shopping has been a rude awakening. It’s more expensive to eat than I first thought. I’ve been living off my parents far too long. I blew my budget thrice over so far. And, it’s difficult to buy healthy. Fruit and veggies tend to go bad fairly quickly, which means more trips to the shops for me. And, trekking outside with a kid – very tiring and time consuming.

The bugs in this house are driving me bonkers. We have an ant invasion. And 2 different kinds of ant poison lying around. The mozzies are having banquets on us. I hate it when they get my baby. She has a mozzie net, which is yet to be hung over her cot. The prior tenants must have had pets, because I have seen fleas on a couple occasions. We have replaced the disgusting carpet in the main bedroom with hardwood flooring. The baby’s room still has to be done. She currently resides in the main bedroom.

Somehow, the carpet in the tv room has to be cleaned. I have no idea how I’m gonna accomplish this. We have these fabulous rugs covering the nastier stains. It bugs me though – these bugs. And stains.

My life has taken a turn for the awesome. Despite all the work and effort that goes into daily life these days – with the focus that has shifted from me-me-me, to house, home, baby and husband – I am so grateful for my life. I have an awesome husband, a gorgeous baby and our own home. Life is wonderful and I am good enough. Finally.