i had a dream the other night.
i dreamt i was on the beach. i was already a mommy. my little one was walking beside me, jumping from driftwood, to sand, looking for seashells.
she was of darkest ebony, shining brilliantly in the twilight. curious, and full of life. questions bubbled from her, her inquisitive nature seeming to mirror mine. she was joyful and happy, content with the answers i gave her, only until the next question crumpled her brow.
"mommy, why is the sky red? what are the fishes doing under all that water? how do they breathe, mommy? are we going home soon? can't we stay here?"
she had fiercely red hair, like someone i may have created on an RPG. Neverwinternights springs to mind, though i always made my characters blue-skinned with long flowing white hair. I remember feeling nothing but love and adoration for my offspring, as we walked side by side on the beach.
i was wearing a long dress, billowing in the wind. i remember feeling at peace. i remember the pride swelling in my heart as my little girl found another seashell, and whooped with delight.
it was a good dream.
Post script
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, and please know that i hope for a healthy one of either flavour, i would rather like to have a little girl. I think this dream sort of punctuates that dream. She would be the apple of her daddy's eye. Adored by both her parents. and maybe just a little spoiled.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Ode to maternity wear
The joy! The wonder! The comfort!
I never knew comfort until I tried on some maternity wear over the weekend. It was wonderful.
My body has gone into some form of rebellion against my clothes. My clothes are losing the battle. Everything is tight; the zips of my pants have decided that closing is for the birds. My tops have decided that hugging my belly bulge is all they feel like doing. Comfort went out the door.
And she who is not comfy in her clothes, will not be relaxed, or be confident.
Enter maternity clothes: The great war mediator. The negotiator. The saviour of my comfort zone.
2 grand later, I am finally comfy in my new threads.
I never knew comfort until I tried on some maternity wear over the weekend. It was wonderful.
My body has gone into some form of rebellion against my clothes. My clothes are losing the battle. Everything is tight; the zips of my pants have decided that closing is for the birds. My tops have decided that hugging my belly bulge is all they feel like doing. Comfort went out the door.
And she who is not comfy in her clothes, will not be relaxed, or be confident.
Enter maternity clothes: The great war mediator. The negotiator. The saviour of my comfort zone.
2 grand later, I am finally comfy in my new threads.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Brief interjection
The spawning of this blog was a direct result of a feeling of misdirection and general confusion. I felt this new development deserved it's own venting space. A new creation for a new life. And, as such, this did not belong in the padded cage.
So, therefore, herewith, the lunar eclipse / making of / progression of --> a hybrid baby. Or, where ebony meets ivory - an unexpected clash. Or, new beginnings. Or, the life and times of spontaneous unplanned implantation of a hybrid kind. Or, Ye olde hybred bastardisatione.
I figured "Hybrid theory" would probably have copyright issues attached. Who woulda thunk it. I sure as L didn't.
And, therefore, i now present, from a barren wasteland of fruitlessness: the prodigious progeny of prolific proportions.
(Pardon all the puns...)
So, therefore, herewith, the lunar eclipse / making of / progression of --> a hybrid baby. Or, where ebony meets ivory - an unexpected clash. Or, new beginnings. Or, the life and times of spontaneous unplanned implantation of a hybrid kind. Or, Ye olde hybred bastardisatione.
I figured "Hybrid theory" would probably have copyright issues attached. Who woulda thunk it. I sure as L didn't.
And, therefore, i now present, from a barren wasteland of fruitlessness: the prodigious progeny of prolific proportions.
(Pardon all the puns...)
Weak at 11
This pregnancy thing is a bit disconcerting. There have been mingled responses. From shock to joy to amusement. It has all been rather … weird.
The fatigue and pukey-ness has died down for now. Notice how I did not say it has disappeared. Crackerbread early in the morning does the trick; Take one every morning and repeat as necessary.
My clothes have for the most part fallen into disuse. It sort of hurts me on the inside, when I look at that pair of hot boots that go so well with my skinny jeans… Those same skinny jeans that are now in a state of mutiny – simply refusing to close around my waist. It may be time to start having a closer look at my diet. Choose healthier options. Too much gorging.
My online research shows that different women start showing at different times, and at different sizes. For a myriad reasons. I, for example, gained 5kg’s in 2 weeks, but have since stabilised. Despite the variances from girl to girl, there are averages one must take into consideration. For example, in the first 2 months, you shouldn’t gain more than 30% of your total 10 – 12kg pregnancy gain. Towards the last 3 months, one should be gaining about a kg a week. Or something. (I can’t remember if it’s a pound or a kg per week. Stupid Americans with their pound system)
This weekend, there will be much shopping and looking around bridal stores. The wedding “due date” approaches with record speed. Also, final talks with various medical aids have been concluded today. They don’t cover much. Not much at all – even when you consider that this was, for all intents and purposes, an accident.
I am stoked for the next doctor’s visit and sonar. I’m hoping to find out the flavour. I’m at about 11 weeks now. Legend has it you can see as early as 12, but really only at 20 weeks. I don’t wanna waste a sonar. Those things are expensive. But, I am dying to find out. There are names to be chosen!
And, in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder, what have I gotten myself into?
The fatigue and pukey-ness has died down for now. Notice how I did not say it has disappeared. Crackerbread early in the morning does the trick; Take one every morning and repeat as necessary.
My clothes have for the most part fallen into disuse. It sort of hurts me on the inside, when I look at that pair of hot boots that go so well with my skinny jeans… Those same skinny jeans that are now in a state of mutiny – simply refusing to close around my waist. It may be time to start having a closer look at my diet. Choose healthier options. Too much gorging.
My online research shows that different women start showing at different times, and at different sizes. For a myriad reasons. I, for example, gained 5kg’s in 2 weeks, but have since stabilised. Despite the variances from girl to girl, there are averages one must take into consideration. For example, in the first 2 months, you shouldn’t gain more than 30% of your total 10 – 12kg pregnancy gain. Towards the last 3 months, one should be gaining about a kg a week. Or something. (I can’t remember if it’s a pound or a kg per week. Stupid Americans with their pound system)
This weekend, there will be much shopping and looking around bridal stores. The wedding “due date” approaches with record speed. Also, final talks with various medical aids have been concluded today. They don’t cover much. Not much at all – even when you consider that this was, for all intents and purposes, an accident.
I am stoked for the next doctor’s visit and sonar. I’m hoping to find out the flavour. I’m at about 11 weeks now. Legend has it you can see as early as 12, but really only at 20 weeks. I don’t wanna waste a sonar. Those things are expensive. But, I am dying to find out. There are names to be chosen!
And, in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder, what have I gotten myself into?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I'm Preggers
It has been 2 weeks since the fateful day that i received the news.
i'd skipped one, something that never happens to me. so, i went for a quick bloodtest, during lunch. i mean, why not. R100 later, "It's positive, congratulations."
It's been a tumultuous 2 weeks since.
The boyfriend drove from his place of residence (a 3 hour trip), and took a day's leave to come be with me. i was pretty shaken up. a call to his father in malaysia, and his parents are home that weekend, to lecture, encourage, interrogate.
his father will not be a conspirator, so my parents must be told.
rewind to a week ago, and one shocking email to my dad. my mom called me that night, seething. i have thrown my life away, made myself cheap. "I'm not that young, mom." My dad was in shock, he told all his siblings.
Fast forward to last weekend, spent on the farm. cousins, uncles aunts, brother, boyfriend, all gathered for the sake of the farm. nothing was said, but that is the style of the family.
and currently, what does the future hold? on sunday, there will be a meet and greet between my parents and his. who will all attend, remains to be seen. there will be negotiations. of what exactly, also remains to be seen.
yesterday i went for a sonar. i saw the fishy, chilling in my gut, swimming around. i heard the heartbeat, saw it. and i smiled.
further blood tests reveal that i am 100% healthy, as is my growing parasite. i'm 8 weeks and 3 days into this thing. the nausea and tiredness lessen when i take my vitamins. i wish i didnt have to work. i get so tired. my mind is a fuzzy mess. i'm just SO tired.
my loving and adoring bf is very excited, stoked really. there will be a birth and a wedding. wrong sequence, but... the modern world allows for this sort of thing. it will not be too much of a scandal.
of two things i am sure -- i am going to have this baby. and, there will be a wedding.
i've picked up 5kg's in rather quick succession over the last 8 weeks. my stomach has become a bit round. but, it doesn't look suspicious yet. few people on my mother's side of the extended family know, but this will soon change, no doubt. juicy news seldom stays secret.
i have obtained a scrapbooking kit and a digital camera for the progress of this gestation and eventual popping. i'm having difficulty taking pictures of my ever expanding stomach. the quality is less than great. i suspect this has more to do with my n00b status, than the camera itself. i will look into it at greater length when i have more time.
i need to buy glue and print pictures.
how do i feel about it?
I don't know, really. It's daunting and scary, but exciting. maybe some form of maternal instinct will kick in. i have no preferance of flavour, be it strawberry or bubblegum. i just want to do my best to ensure my parasite comes out rosy cheeked and plump.
can pregnant ladies imbibe energy drinks?
i'd skipped one, something that never happens to me. so, i went for a quick bloodtest, during lunch. i mean, why not. R100 later, "It's positive, congratulations."
It's been a tumultuous 2 weeks since.
The boyfriend drove from his place of residence (a 3 hour trip), and took a day's leave to come be with me. i was pretty shaken up. a call to his father in malaysia, and his parents are home that weekend, to lecture, encourage, interrogate.
his father will not be a conspirator, so my parents must be told.
rewind to a week ago, and one shocking email to my dad. my mom called me that night, seething. i have thrown my life away, made myself cheap. "I'm not that young, mom." My dad was in shock, he told all his siblings.
Fast forward to last weekend, spent on the farm. cousins, uncles aunts, brother, boyfriend, all gathered for the sake of the farm. nothing was said, but that is the style of the family.
and currently, what does the future hold? on sunday, there will be a meet and greet between my parents and his. who will all attend, remains to be seen. there will be negotiations. of what exactly, also remains to be seen.
yesterday i went for a sonar. i saw the fishy, chilling in my gut, swimming around. i heard the heartbeat, saw it. and i smiled.
further blood tests reveal that i am 100% healthy, as is my growing parasite. i'm 8 weeks and 3 days into this thing. the nausea and tiredness lessen when i take my vitamins. i wish i didnt have to work. i get so tired. my mind is a fuzzy mess. i'm just SO tired.
my loving and adoring bf is very excited, stoked really. there will be a birth and a wedding. wrong sequence, but... the modern world allows for this sort of thing. it will not be too much of a scandal.
of two things i am sure -- i am going to have this baby. and, there will be a wedding.
i've picked up 5kg's in rather quick succession over the last 8 weeks. my stomach has become a bit round. but, it doesn't look suspicious yet. few people on my mother's side of the extended family know, but this will soon change, no doubt. juicy news seldom stays secret.
i have obtained a scrapbooking kit and a digital camera for the progress of this gestation and eventual popping. i'm having difficulty taking pictures of my ever expanding stomach. the quality is less than great. i suspect this has more to do with my n00b status, than the camera itself. i will look into it at greater length when i have more time.
i need to buy glue and print pictures.
how do i feel about it?
I don't know, really. It's daunting and scary, but exciting. maybe some form of maternal instinct will kick in. i have no preferance of flavour, be it strawberry or bubblegum. i just want to do my best to ensure my parasite comes out rosy cheeked and plump.
can pregnant ladies imbibe energy drinks?
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