Influx

Just between us, I’m feeling a bit frustrated today.

I think I should have been or must have been a guy in my previous life. I’m less about listening compassionately about other people’s problems, and more about solving them.

That said, I think it’s no secret that the DH (darling husband) and I are in a bit of a financial bind. We have compiled our respective and combined budgets, we have compared figures, and we have come to conclusions. Our cashflow remains negative. And, not a little negative, a lot.

Now, if with every paycheque you get, you become poorer, that’s not an ideal situation. In fact, every month that our expenses exceed our income, means we are that much poorer. This is not sustainable behaviour. At some point, we are going to run out of assets. Our shares are dwindling as is.

It’s rather a bit of a no-brainer that getting the ole budget to balance means either decreasing expenditure, or increasing income.

It has been an uphill battle to find more lucrative jobs in the current economic downturn. (Can you really tell me no one needs someone with a BComm.?? Really???) Not even the government has anything available. I have been to websites and called recruitment agencies. Nothing.

I’m in the process of applying for extra work, part time. I also put the word out at the office (2 months ago) that I’ll take secondment jobs for the claims. It’s gonna suck, but it will be worth it. I have also made a new commitment to myself for passing the board exam next year. Surely, more qualifications will mean more lucrative opportunities.

There needs to be a place in the middle where our wants and dreams meet our financial prowess. I understand that. We want to have another baby soon. We want a bigger house. We want to… well, I want to go to Europe before I’m 30 for a 2 week tour of the museums. We need to be able to pay the mortgage. We need food for the kid and to save for the medical bills associated with a next kid.

The source of my slight irritation is … (I hate to say it) the DH.

Our situation is pretty dire, which he does not fully recognize. He doesn’t want to apply for every possible job, only the ones that interest him. (What, am I an auditor because I find it fascinating? NO.) He delays meetings and doesn’t make appointments. He doesn’t make the calls. He procrastinates. He is not interested in part time work. He doesn’t follow up on part time work.

From his behaviour, am I to assess that the situation is not as dire as the budgets show?

He doesn’t budget conservatively. I can’t go to Europe if saving for Europe is not in the budget. And, I can’t have another kid, if projected crèche costs are not included in the budget. A budget can’t not have some money over for incidental costs.

And, if the situation is thus, that we have to redistribute our expenses between each other, and I therefore have to make more money to make my wants happen, then I want to know. I want honesty.

He wants to move. Has he researched what this involves; the costs in moving? Neither of us has found a job in the big city. And we can’t move if only one of us has a job there. And the point is, we haven’t found anything; neither he nor I. It’s frustrating.

If we are not able to move in the next 2 months (which is the average time it takes to do so, once you’ve got the job), shouldn’t we adjust our spending? There are things we can do to break even. But, we don’t.

Now I look like the hypocrite because I had my hair done last week.

And, don’t tell me not to worry about the finances. Nothing irritates me more. It’s the “let’s just go on like nothing’s wrong” attitude that just grinds me and that gets people into a heap of debt and trouble. I’m financially literate, dammit. This is fixable.

I have a bunch of goals, and I don’t want to have to compromise them because we can’t manage our finances. And, I don’t want to be spending money we can’t afford to, because my expenses are covered, but my husband’s aren’t.

Yeah, you heard me. My expenses are covered. I’m getting extra work because WE aren’t breaking even. I suggested a redistribution of expenses, but was told not to worry. I don’t agree with this sort of leadership, if it can be called that at all.

He really wants to move, though. *sigh*