Nefarious wiles

So, the question posed today, class, is that of the nature of self esteem, and the possible aggravation of negativity when pregnancy hormones are introduced.

How much of this is the baby’s fault? And, how much of this was merely an underlying affliction, lying in wait for the opportune moment to strike?

Well, first and foremost, no fault lies with the young babbie – She didn’t ask to be brought here, she was merely the fastest swimmer in the bunch. Kudos!

Based on my personal history, and what I know of myself, I’d say, this was probably a malignant tumour just waiting to be awoken.

So, self esteem: or more accurately, the lack thereof.

I have an existential query.

How much is too much, and how much is not enough?

In my humble experience, when in a boy/girl relationship, certain things happen in a certain sequence without fail. Yes, classmates, a pattern has emerged.

In the amorous beginnings, all is well with the world, romance is rife, and the relationship a prolific breeding-ground (if you’ll excuse the implied pun) of love, lust and well-being.

That lasts a while; a couple months, in fact.

But, somewhere the balance of attention–seeking and attention-needed go badly afoul. There is a fine balance to be kept, after all; elusive equilibrium.

I am the mad smotherer.

The more I am pushed away, the more I smother. And, at some point, it all becomes unbearable.

I wonder what the emotional dynamics of this would illustrate.

Sometimes people need time apart to miss each other. Sometimes, people need to have separate lives, and interests – just to keep the mystery alive.

I want to show love and receive love. But, how much is too much? How much is not enough? Is it ethical to act in a certain way to get a certain result, if said actions do not reflect the true feelings behind them?

Mostly, I just feel fat.

And, it’s not his fault.

Relationships are hard.