Teh per soot of happyness

It’s a blackend filthy catastrophy, this academic thing I need to get handled now. It’s been years and years, I really need to get a handle on it now.

So, in précis, here is my action plan for the upcoming board exam – 70 days and counting, ladies and germs.

I have signed up for the prestigious board course; hopefully for the last time. There is a written test about 3 weeks from now. In preparation for this test, I will complete the 2009 board exam and the 2008 board course mock exam. In preparation for the classes starting 10 or so days from now, I will skim through the board course file and theory.

Then, in preparation for the actual board exam, I plan to follow the board course timetable to the letter. I will study through the night if I have to, but I will get it done.

In addition, I have joined the gym close by and have approached all the grand parentals regarding baby watching over the festive season. They have agreed, which opens up my schedule a bit, especially since the crèche closes in 3 weeks.

My cup runneth over with to-do lists and quotes, notes and other rubbish. There is much to do and less time to do it in. I think I will put off Nanowrimo till next year. Who knows, I may even have a success story to tell by then. I can only hope, pray and study.

*sigh*

A pernicious pursuit

It has finally arrived!

Much has been happening of late. Time is running out for the academix. The baby is crawling zealously and has a mind of her own. She is sweet and strong willed. Basically, she wants what she wants when she wants it. And, hell hath no fury like my little girl scorned!

This is my final week on this away from home audit. It is also the source of my joy. As it turns out, absence makes the heart grow fonder, ache, beat rapidly and causes heart attacks. I can’t wait to get home this weekend. It is going to be lovely to home again, and mistress of all that I survey.

And, in other news, I have yet to pay the board for them to allow me to write their exam in January. I also have yet to pay those who present the course. I have decided that I intend to pass. Now, it’s just the small matter of mastering the content. I may require some assistance. But, all shall be revealed in time, I’m sure.

Have I mentioned that I can’t wait to get out of here?

I had a dream the other night. I had a baby girl. And, she was of a more chocolatey complexion than our current little one. In my dream, we had named her Noko. Apparently, there is no such name, I googled it. (Well, not in Sesotho anyway) Ah well.

Rhetoric rhymes

As predicted by yours truly, the weeks away from home have merged to form some gelatinous oddity of unknown origin. Labour is lame and I miss the offspring and the soul mate.

Some good and bad things have come to pass on this journey. First, the bad. I hit something in the road a couple weeks back, effectively puncturing my gas tank and costing me a boatload of cash I didn’t have in the first place to fix.

The good, I have met a few friendly faces and life is just a succession of hundreds of blessings throwing themselves at me, kamikaze style.

I am eager to reunite with my little family and attend to my household. I’m planning another meal. Hopefully my culinary skills have bettered themselves during my absence.

Another day has come to a close, and I find myself alone.

Just a few more hours and I will no longer be alone; uninspired by my own company.

salvation is free

I am away from home. Work takes me from my family and humble abode. The idea was that I was supposed to do some studying. That’s not really happening. Time is of the essence.

The job is the same as ever.

I miss my baby and my husband terribly, tremendously.

The weeks will merge eventually.

Count on it.

Outside the wind howls around the mountains.

Of sugar and spice

My melee campaign in the barren wasteland of my kitchen produced yet another victory last night.

Feelings of guilt and gratitude (go figure) inspired me to plan a surprise for my over-worked hubby yesterday. I recall him asking me to bake him a chocolate cake a couple weeks back and me blatantly refusing him. (I was at home already, and baking a cake would mean going out to shop for the ingredients. I was tired, okay. Don’t judge me.)

So, into my little car I hopped after work, I went to get the spawnling, and off to the market we rode, in the crimson twilight. Purchases in hand, I set a course for the kitchen and deigned to cook a meal (oven-bake fish and chips; with a side of gem squash) and bake the envisioned cake.

The kid was comfortable enough on the floor for a while. I had bought her new shoes (pink ones) and she was intently attempting to get her teeth into them, attached to her feet as they were. Regardless, she allowed me to get the food into the oven, and start mixing the batter. All went well. Hubby was home earlier than expected, so he was able to feed the kid when she started wailing for her din-dins.

I’d forgotten to add the baking powder, but the self-raising flour mitigated that oversight. The shop had no caramel, so I substituted condensed milk and cherries for decoration.

Dinner was a success.

I plan to one day have a dining room. There will be table settings, runners, tablecloths, napkins. My hopes and dreams are simple ones. I wonder if I’ll be able to incorporate the colours of my wedding: wine red and gold. Maybe some oranges and browns to bring in those warm tones…

Tonight’s meal remains a mystery.

home schooling blues

I need a chair for my desk at home.

At this stage it looks like my studies have come to an abrupt halt because I am now fully planned at the office with actual work. What a bummer!

At home, there is the problem of not having a chair for my desk, so I never sit down and study.

When I do scrapbooking, I sit on the floor, because I need a lot of space. We have 2 desks, but no chairs for them. And the sofas are just too low.

As things stand now (ha-ha), until we spend some money (we don’t have) on some decent PC type chairs, I won’t hit the books again. And, that would be a tragedy.

And, no, the patio chairs we borrowed from his parentals are not adequate. Not only are they too hard, they are also too low and restrictive. No amount of pillows can fix this. I need comfort for the academic process to initialise!

In other news, the baby has taken to loudly declaring “babababa” and “dadadada”. She also indulges in yanking hair and jiggling keys – loudly. On hard surfaces for maximum effect. She is cute as a button though.

Today (and yesterday) I have lower epidural area back pain. This started when I carried the kid around at the mall yesterday. I thought my back would break. It’s not her fault that I am weak. But, I’m in some real pain today. It’s not fun. I had similar epidural ache for about 3 to 4 months after I popped the kid. It’s just a little eerie.

As I have mentioned, at work I am engaged in various projects; nothing too harrowing at present. I’m in a comfortable little niche at work. I know the people and their abilities; I know who’s work needs to be triple-checked and who’s doesn’t. Management is nice to me. Even more so ever since I passed my CISA exam – finally!

Financially we are still in the crapper.

I am happy. It doesn’t make for great writing.

No turning back

Morpheus stole the slumber from my eyes at the wee hours of this morning.

At my request, my cell phone blinked the time at me: 03h30.

I can only hazard a guess at the cause of this disturbance in my sleeping pattern.

Over the past 2 weeks I have been obsessing and pouring over my text books of olde. I have been attempting (and failing) questions. This is all in preparation for the board exam which has successfully evaded me over the past few years.

My dad has agreed to finance me once more – but, repayment has been deferred at this stage, to some unknown future time.

Wealth flows from only inspiration or desperation...

My baby is officially 8 months old, as of 2 days ago. She has a full head of hair, two tiny teeth, and is in the habit of repeating the sounds the hubby and I make, but without meaning. Her little pudgy hands just wanna touch everything. Sometimes she reaches too far, and topples. Like, this morning. Luckily, she doesn’t cry easily or for nothing. She was okay. This morning she smiled at a random lady in a shop. She has always been very friendly, which is very cute.

Crawling still evades her. But, she is getting there. She has been doing push-ups for 2 months, now. She also launches herself at things she wants. She loves that DStv remote. And, cell phones. She just can’t get enough of the taste of electronics, I suppose.

I have 6 months till I write, things are becoming real now. The registration process is underway. R3,000 for the exam. Not good.

Oh, damn you, Accounting, and your trixie ways! Thou baine of mine existence!

Plagued by infirmity

My nose insists on leaking. This is a relatively new development. I am running low on tissues. On the upside, the pills my husband gave me to swallow alleviated the annoyance entirely so I could slumber peacefully last night.

It seems the kid infected me with this illness, and I may have infected her right back. She had the same thing last week, it went away, and this morning it made its loathsome reappearance on her innocent face.

Our little family have been sick on and off, and all at once at times, over the past couple of months. The medical aid is exhausted in its entirety. It’s all rather infuriating.

I was sort of hoping the winter would kiss us goodbye. This morning, however, the clingy bastard had us in yet another icy bear hug. My car was once again frozen over, which ensured my tardiness to work this morning.

I’d thought the season had turned. Not yet, it seems.

In the meantime this so-called “swine flu” is sweeping the globe. A bunch of people have died from it, and a bunch of people have been newly infected by it. Well, I don’t have any flu symptoms, so I suppose I’m okay.

I just want it to not be so cold outside anymore. The office is just freezing. I don’t think there is a heater at all. I’m freezing as I type this. This morning, my hands were so cold on the steering wheel of my car, they were burning. My hands were frigid, frozen and some unnatural colour tainted my poor appendages.

The weekend promises to be a pleasantly uneventful one. I plan to spend most of it in bed with a good book. And, if I’m lucky, maybe my family will join me. A girl can hope, can’t she?

Influx

Just between us, I’m feeling a bit frustrated today.

I think I should have been or must have been a guy in my previous life. I’m less about listening compassionately about other people’s problems, and more about solving them.

That said, I think it’s no secret that the DH (darling husband) and I are in a bit of a financial bind. We have compiled our respective and combined budgets, we have compared figures, and we have come to conclusions. Our cashflow remains negative. And, not a little negative, a lot.

Now, if with every paycheque you get, you become poorer, that’s not an ideal situation. In fact, every month that our expenses exceed our income, means we are that much poorer. This is not sustainable behaviour. At some point, we are going to run out of assets. Our shares are dwindling as is.

It’s rather a bit of a no-brainer that getting the ole budget to balance means either decreasing expenditure, or increasing income.

It has been an uphill battle to find more lucrative jobs in the current economic downturn. (Can you really tell me no one needs someone with a BComm.?? Really???) Not even the government has anything available. I have been to websites and called recruitment agencies. Nothing.

I’m in the process of applying for extra work, part time. I also put the word out at the office (2 months ago) that I’ll take secondment jobs for the claims. It’s gonna suck, but it will be worth it. I have also made a new commitment to myself for passing the board exam next year. Surely, more qualifications will mean more lucrative opportunities.

There needs to be a place in the middle where our wants and dreams meet our financial prowess. I understand that. We want to have another baby soon. We want a bigger house. We want to… well, I want to go to Europe before I’m 30 for a 2 week tour of the museums. We need to be able to pay the mortgage. We need food for the kid and to save for the medical bills associated with a next kid.

The source of my slight irritation is … (I hate to say it) the DH.

Our situation is pretty dire, which he does not fully recognize. He doesn’t want to apply for every possible job, only the ones that interest him. (What, am I an auditor because I find it fascinating? NO.) He delays meetings and doesn’t make appointments. He doesn’t make the calls. He procrastinates. He is not interested in part time work. He doesn’t follow up on part time work.

From his behaviour, am I to assess that the situation is not as dire as the budgets show?

He doesn’t budget conservatively. I can’t go to Europe if saving for Europe is not in the budget. And, I can’t have another kid, if projected crèche costs are not included in the budget. A budget can’t not have some money over for incidental costs.

And, if the situation is thus, that we have to redistribute our expenses between each other, and I therefore have to make more money to make my wants happen, then I want to know. I want honesty.

He wants to move. Has he researched what this involves; the costs in moving? Neither of us has found a job in the big city. And we can’t move if only one of us has a job there. And the point is, we haven’t found anything; neither he nor I. It’s frustrating.

If we are not able to move in the next 2 months (which is the average time it takes to do so, once you’ve got the job), shouldn’t we adjust our spending? There are things we can do to break even. But, we don’t.

Now I look like the hypocrite because I had my hair done last week.

And, don’t tell me not to worry about the finances. Nothing irritates me more. It’s the “let’s just go on like nothing’s wrong” attitude that just grinds me and that gets people into a heap of debt and trouble. I’m financially literate, dammit. This is fixable.

I have a bunch of goals, and I don’t want to have to compromise them because we can’t manage our finances. And, I don’t want to be spending money we can’t afford to, because my expenses are covered, but my husband’s aren’t.

Yeah, you heard me. My expenses are covered. I’m getting extra work because WE aren’t breaking even. I suggested a redistribution of expenses, but was told not to worry. I don’t agree with this sort of leadership, if it can be called that at all.

He really wants to move, though. *sigh*

The throes of academic pursuit

And so, my fellow bloggers, thus began the arduous journey of my ascent to the next level of mad auditor skillz.

To what am I referring?

Well, as you may or may not know, I (still) have ne’er but the board exam standing between me and academic, nay financial freedom.

The catalyst was of course when I was informed that I would be on away audit for 3 months. This, as it presents itself, is the perfect opportunity for me to “get my learn on”. The responsibilities at home are far too numerous and exhausting to enable a learning environment.

In any case, I did some planning last week, and now, I am studying towards Board One.

It’s a slow process. When I try to do practical questions, I feel so moronic that I must refer back to the theory. When I study only theory, I get so bored, I feel that I must do some questions to drive home the principles. What a conundrum!

Regardless, my new motto is to “Just Keep Going”. Therein lies the secret of success, I think. In previous years I may have given up too soon. This is the year I plan to correct my prior erroneous behaviour.

Also, this is the final curtain call. I will sacrifice and give it my all. For, after this ride on the merry-go-round, there will be no more.

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. This is not an easy course in the least.

Introspection

The studying process officially commenced yesterday.

And, already I am questioning my sanity.

The bain of my existence, nay, my achilles' heel is Financial Accounting. And, it is this heathen monster I will attempt to tame, or at least house-break, over the next 3 months.

Somehow and somewhere in my hectic schedule, I need to find time for gym as well. My ample gluteus maximus is more maximus than gluteus, if you know what I mean. So, I don't know, but I think the best solution will be to fetch the baby, then go to gym, taking her with me.

As clingy as I am, I suppose if I see my husband an hour later every day, it won't kill me. At least, that's what I'm hoping. I notice how we have started going to sleep later and later every day. There is much to do in a household, you know. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, baby washing and packing for, bed making, ad nauseum.

My parents suggested that they could take the baby for a week at a time during the exam time. Although our first instinct is to yell "Hell no!", this idea has merit. So, we are considering this solution. Both myself and the hubby have exams to study for, and we both write in January of next year. It's gonna be rough.

We have divided the days of the week and the chores that go with it. Will see how this unfolds. So far so good. I just don't think it is a sustainable plan.

I'm just tired of the subject matter, I really am.

But, my dad made me an offer I can't refuse: a 2 week trip to Europe for my whole family on completion of the chartered accountant qualification. (Point 9 and 10 of "Things I wanna do before oblivion strikes" refer. See sidebar)

That's my motivation and I'm sticking to it.

An aggregated mind aggravated

(this post is about a month old. In the meantime, I feel better now)

I had a pretty hectic internal deadline today. I am currently struggling with some math formulas and various variances and it’s all just a little infuriating. I hate it when numbers refuse to add up for no apparent reason. It’s time to equip my detective hat and matching Sherlock pipe.

There is a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth.

My job appears more dead-end every day. Fantasies and legends of more money and greener grass on the other side abound. Today I toyed with a recruitment website. It dawned on me fairly early on that me finding suitable employment elsewhere would be pointless if it’s not in close proximity to that of the spouse. Irritated, I abandoned that quest.

My house is not nearly as clean as I’d like it to be.

The exam I wrote on Saturday is a “no comment” sort of event. It wasn’t so devastating, nor was it a light summer breeze on a warm day. I have a glimmer of hope, but not much thereof. Of the 800 possible answers I memorised, only 1 appeared; the first question. And, I couldn’t remember the answer. That figures.

My qualifications are stagnating; there is no growth.

Is it too early in my life for me to be experiencing a mid life crisis? I don’t know. There is a clear lack of progress in my life. There is only stagnation. Every month I get broker, with the rumours of more money elsewhere ubiquitous. Locating such lucrative employment is another story entirely.

I remain fat.

At what point in my life should I be chasing contentment and joy in my career, if at all? Is this reserved for a select few? Is it only for the few financially free? Is generating income from elsewhere the only key to happiness? That cannot be. My qualifications and experience remain insufficient for the lifestyle I lead.

I’m broke.

I’m tired of feeling dumb. I’m tired of being a liability. I’m so very tired of wasting away my life. I don’t even know if not working would solve all my issues. I realise the only person in my life that can give me happiness, is me. I realise bitching has no positive function. I realise I’m wasting my time and therefore my life.

Maybe volunteer work is the answer: Art teacher for pre-schoolers? Perhaps.

By request

The watered down effect

The watered down effect

I’m back in the audit game (admittedly, not as awesome and prolific as the medical game, or … any other profession really). The work is rather a bit yawn, but this time around the client staff is courteous and friendly. Having things in common, like having spawned some rugrats, comes in handy.

Now that working conditions are ideal, I realise that the house wife thing may not be as overrated as I first imagined. I enjoyed the 4 months at home, and it’s not just about lazing about at home. It’s about seeing my kid grow up and progress. It’s about having a clean environment to live in. And it’s about knowing where we left our keys, and where the kid’s bottles are. (My husband has this habit of just putting the bottle lids down wherever. This makes for frantic mornings before work.)

When I was at home, I also had time to work on my hobbies, like painting and scrapbooking. The baby would sleep either in the morning or the afternoon. But, there was usually a 3 hour period I could do whatever. And, when I was doing laundry, I would carry her around with me in her sling.

As an aside – the water bill was damn near R200 per month in the months when I was doing our laundry at home. Now that this function has been outsourced to my husband’s mom’s maid, the water bill is something ridiculous, like R20. You can’t beat those prices.

So, more pregnancy related news – apparently, the depo shot I had done just after having the kid is still wreaking havoc. This is a contraceptive sort of shot. You only need to take it once every 3 months or something like that. Now, I only had the shot done once. As it turns out, not only does the depo shot make you fat, but it also makes you leak forever. Doctor says I should give it 2 more months before I go to been seen again. Also – you are not ovulating while you are leaking. So, I am therefore sterile for now. The hubby and I had decided to get on with having the 2nd kid, but I suppose that will have to wait now. Stupid Depo shot.

And in other news, the financial burden remains heavy, but we will find a way.

The twits on twitter

Finally, it's almost weekend. I am another week closer to the exam, and long weekend which follows. It will also be my 1 year wedding anniversary. Time sure is tricksy.

My baby and I have become sick. Some sort of cold. Her nose is stuffed, so she can't breathe so well. The creche has been on my case, the doctor has no openings for an appointment. So, the baby was at her grandmother's house yesterday and will be today. I wanna take her back to the creche on Monday though. So, hopefully we'll find a doctor willing to see her today or over the weekend. My poor lil girl.

The point of this post was just to alert anyone who happens to read here; the decrease in post frequency is because of twitter. I've been posting there. Look for me, name of morbidneko. twitter

The eleventh hour

Time ticks away the days left till I write that very expensive cisa exam. A quick online search revealed that there are 25 more and therefore new questions available in this year’s study material than what I have. 25 questions make up 17,5% of the exam. That could be the difference between a pass and a fail. At this stage of the game, I average a 83% accuracy rate when I do the questions I have. I have 4 of 6 chapters to work through.

There are 5 weeks left till I write the exam. I have one day study leave, the day before the test. My palms get sweaty and my heart starts its race when I think of it. I don’t know how I’m going to repay my dad the registration amount for this exam. It’s a lot of money to lose if I were to fail. There’s a lot riding on this 2 hour exam.

As soon as studies conclude for the cisa qualification, I intend to give QE another shot. (Although, if I were to become impregnated in this time, I will probably pop on the day of the QE exam, with my luck) Wouldn’t that be just marvellous?

I am also considering doing only the board course for next year’s QE exam. I didn’t get to use my pre-board stuff last year, on account of me not writing the exam. My husband is also studying. His course is even more expensive than mine; twice over, really. We are struggling financially to say the least. I’m hoping all this sacrifice will bear fruit in the end. Life goes on, and waits for no lemming.

I’m hungry. Wonder what I’ll get myself for lunch…

Mini holiday

My baby’s school is closed for the next couple days. I finally got my leave approved after a very arduous process of running from senior to senior and telling my sob story. Nothing like tenacity to get you where you need to be. Mwohahaha.

I don’t have any specific plans for my little mini holiday. Will probably do a bit of scrapbooking. Maybe a bit of cleaning and cooking. But, that’s a huge maybe. I might play some pc games. Who knows. The sky is the limit, really.

Utopia can be defined as a mini holiday for me and the hubby simultaneously. Alas, this is not the case. It’s just me and the babbie then, I guess. And maybe a visit or two to the local gym. Another huge maybe.

RE: the Elections 2009

There is weird hoo-do ink on my left thumb, imported from India (supposedly), clinging to my skin for dear life. Yes, I voted yesterday, with a couple million other people. I just wish I'd known of the free coffee Wimpy was offering.

It's rather dismaying that the family party isn't doing as well as I expected. On the other paw, counting isn't done yet. A further embarrassment is that my original home province seems to have a 100% vote for the opposition party. Very embarrassing indeed.

I never voted before, feeling rather apathetic about the whole affair. So, yesterday's activities were sort of special and ... unexpectedly fun. The queue wasn't too long, I suppose we waited 30mins. The people in line were jovial, friendly. It was an all round good experience. And, I will probably vote again. Props to the organisers in my neck of the woods.

Another surprise is that you actually vote twice: One ballot paper for national and one for provincial. It was unexpected. I, as an ignorant young-ish person, was not aware of this. But, it's kewl. Took me about 3 seconds to vote. Point and tick, ladies and gents.

I applaud all the people who took the time and effort to vote. The important thing as that this hard-fought for right is utilised and not taken for granted. Who people voted for is between them and their conscience.

Hopefully the country won't go to the sh*tter between now and the next election. Maybe next time, a bigger difference / upset can be made.

I wonder when this ink is gonna come off. It's messing with my manicure.

Jung personality test - I AM... The Mastermind

Did this test here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

The Mastermind (INTJ) is very focused as well, but more on an internal vision. They are good at solving problems and like to work on tough intellectual puzzles. They are often led into technical positions such as scientific researcher, design engineer, environmental planner. The developing field of genetics benefits from their intensity as does the field of medicine. In education they are most often found at the college and university level. In the professions, they may be a lawyer, a business analyst, or strategic planner. Some have a strong artistic/creative bent and may become an artist, inventor, or designer. Whatever they do, they do it with intensity. Says Kim, "I am constantly teaching myself something new in order to solve the problems that I encounter. My husband leaves me alone when he sees that I am caught in what he calls my "Thinking Time." I'm unwinding knots even in my sleep."

A little note

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Reverse clothe-ology

It seems this pregnancy thing is cyclical. Today for the first time, I have squeezed myself into a size 10 pair of pants that used to be very roomie when I was an actual size 10. Necessity is the mother of invention, as you see- I was out of work clothes this morning. The laundry service is a bit… bumpy.

When I first got pregnant, I was constantly upgrading to bigger sized clothes. Now, it seems, that I am able to downgrade a bit as my body parts deflate with time. I look forward to the day when I can proclaim honestly that I am once again a 10. I miss my awesome wardrobe.

I am very much looking forward to the coming weekend. As I may have mentioned, I haven’t been home in ages. I hope my friends who are coming to my bash don’t get bored and think it sucks. Hopefully the group will mesh and have a really great time.

I just wish I still had some shorts. In my size. I have some great size 10 shorts I can’t wait to fit into again.

Of Erudite Iniquity

My brilliantly e-vol master plan for the weekend involves much festivity and fun. I will be yet another year closer to my demise, another year closer to the silvery hairs of wisdom and another year senior.

I’m going home – to my parents’ house – for the Easter (Wild Crazy Vegetarian Super Fun Braai and Party Birthday Party) weekend.

I suppose it’s time to take stock of the year that has passed. What a year it has been.

Let us begin with last year this time. I had just attended the Coke fest a week or so ago. I was dating this hot guy, who is now my husband. My articles were about to get signed off. I was living with my parents and seeing my boyfriend every other weekend. Life was fairly good.

Last year in May, I was on audit in Potch – varsity audit. I had gained 3 kilograms and skipped a leakage. One blood test later, and it turns out I’m pregnant!

Fast forward to June and it’s my wedding. The bride looked beautiful in white and … well, white. We said our I do’s in my husband’s home town, and skipped off for a 2 day honeymoon just outside Kimberley.

Two weeks later at the end of June, just after my articles got signed off, I packed my little car with all my worldly goods, and headed to my mother-in-law's house. And, there the husband and I lived harmoniously for 6 months.

Last year, at the end of November, what I thought was false labour turned out to be my little girl popping out to say high. Literally! She was 2 weeks early and simply gorgeous.

January we signed for our first home – a town house on the other side of town.

Middle March of this year, I’m back at work and baby is at day care.

I would have to concede that my 25th year was the most pivotal, influential, changing year of my life – so far. I became a wife, mommy, co-home owner and shrugged of the trainee designation all in one year.

Friends and neighbours, it is with certainty and much gratitude that I can tell you: I have never been happier.

The best is yet to come.

Time to get fit

Read an interesting blog entry today. According to the writer, the cure for unfortunate looks is to be fit. Less than flattering attributes are shadowed when lean muscle tone and clear gorgeous skin take the limelight.

This has set me thinking. I remember a brief period in my past when I was fit. My clothes fit better. And we all know that when your clothes fit better, you feel more confident, and therefore act more confident. Also, the nicer clothes are available at smaller sizes.

Fitness also makes your body produce the feel good hormones. I think it’s called dopamine, but I could be mistaken (and am too lazy to look it up now). So, not only are you looking good in well fitting duds, but you also feel good and confident.

Then there are also the health benefits. Cancer and heart disease I suppose will have a tough time attacking a healthy body. Exercise increases circulation of blood through the body and more oxygen gets to the necessary parts.

The point I’m trying to make is – if what I read is true and fitness is a portal to good looks… I may have to give the gym another better chance…

Now I just have to work it into my schedule somehow…

And justice for all

So, this past weekend was spent doing nothing much. Indeed – a perfect weekend if there ever was one. Yesterday was occupied by cleaning the house from top to bottom. Purged it now stands; clean and welcoming. This makes me happy.

And as we all know: a happy wife tends to lead to a happy life for my hubby.

The rugby went well, but was upsetting. I only had one game wrong this weekend. But, it was my powerplay, so it cost me 2 points. Stupid Bulls.

The husband and I have been summoned to a funeral this weekend. I wonder how prevalent this is going to become in this marriage. I rather like family gatherings, it’s always good to see the old faces again. But, when it’s not my family, it tends to be a tedious time. I have made the sleeping arrangements and everything. Should be an interesting weekend.

The finances are still a bit whack currently. Am working on ‘em.

No studies happened this weekend. It was family time. And a wonderful time was had by all.

My baby girl is now 4 months old. She is now eligible for some cereal at night. But, a max of 2 teaspoons was allowed.

I still have a problem with the leave system. I can’t believe that I have to take annual leave if my kid gets sick, or has to go for shots, etc etc. I just don’t have enough. On the plus side – I have some stacked up from last year. There just seems to be some confusion on exactly how much is available. Did you know that annual leave does not accumulate while you are on maternity leave? I didn’t.

The news these days is very depressing. This morning alone I read about taxi violence, people stealing houses, political fraudsters coming off scot free. It’s very disheartening. I don’t like what JZ is doing, I think he should be prosecuted. Those far more eloquent than I, have said similar things on the news24 website. I wonder where this country is heading. Will there be justice for anyone in a one party democracy?

**sigh**

I’ve done maybe 2 or 3 hours of studying over a two week period. It’s worrying that I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything. I did a mock exam, did well, got 98%. Still don’t feel like I’ve really memorised anything. I have this feeling of impending doom if I don’t study the theory as well. Rote memorisation of questions is not the way to go in this instance.

I have this inability to study over weekends. This behaviour was cultivated from the very beginning of my academic career, when I was five. I’m a staunch believer in getting work done during the week (or, late Sunday nights, if it can’t be helped).

Today I feel lousy. I wish I could have just stayed at home with my baby and my husband. There is no time anymore. Every night is the same. Getting home, I pass out. It’s not even fair.

Anyway, just thought I’d bitch a bit. I’m worried about my studies. Studying during working hours is not a sustainable plan. And, I don’t get study leave. What a rip off.

Walking on sunshine

Unbeknownst to me, as I was watching the husband play rugby last Saturday, I acquired some form of heatstroke. Or, sunstroke. Or, something.

I was fine all day Saturday, sitting in the shade for the half hour of warming up they did, and then the ensuing 80 minute game with 10 minute remission at half time. I even had a soft drink to keep me busy. We went home after the game – they had won 33-3. And, I felt fine, if a tad tired.

Sunday morning I woke up with the world’s worst headache. I was sensitive to light and sound. My body was sore all over, my skin on my face and lips was tight. I felt horrible. So, the husband found me some pills I could take while boobie-feeding. He brought me some water. I then swallowed the pills and promptly went back to sleep, duvet over my feverish head.

I eventually woke up at 10am again, feeling a million times better, if a bit sunburnt. I was a bit surprised, as I spent all that time in the shade. But, I’m not overly shocked, as I know that UV rays will get you wherever you are. I should’ve been smart about it, and put some sunscreen on. Lesson learnt.

On another note, my exam registration went through, so it looks like I will be writing in June. Somehow I forgot to study over the weekend. I had such high hopes for myself. So, I have to redouble my efforts this week. Hopefully I will get some good study hours in this week. If I can just study and revise 20 pages of the study guide per week, I will have more than enough time to absorb all the material.

I also have to go to gym every day this week, at the risk of losing the rebate my medical aid pays to the gym, if I don’t. I am not happy about this. I feel like the R350 I'm shelling out for gym membership is going to waste. The internal struggle continues as I grapple with the “should I, shouldn’t I?” as far as cancelling my membership is concerned.

Everybody who knows me, and wants to come to my birthday braai at my parents’ house – you are all welcome. If you need a place to snooze, please lemme know at your earliest convenience. It’s happening over a long weekend – easter. Give me a call and lemme know. I plan to bring Scrabble, Pictionary and 30 seconds. Yes, I’m a big nerd.

I’m getting used to the heels. I find starting out with small heels and then upgrading to longer ones, tends to ease the process. Also, not running up and down the stairs and corridors also helps.

My heatstroke remains with me only in the tightness in my face. Otherwise, life is still good.

Have a great day, blogmune!

Torture of a podiatary kinde

Today is the last work day of the first week after my maternity leave. So far, the most difficult thing to get used to has been these stupid high heel shoes. My feet ache and complain 2 hours into the work day. I am not used to this. Whoever created and instituted the high heel shoe for professional women, was just plain sadistic.

I look at the men’s shoes longingly. They are flat, have rubber soles. They speak of comfort. Wish I could get away with wearing guy shoes at work. I’ve always wanted a job where I could wear jeans and skateboarder shoes every day. I think I should’ve gone into the journalism line in the end. Pity that I moved around so much as a kid. Couldn’t settle down and join the school newspaper. Most schools don’t have em.

I was 10 minutes late this morning. I’d like to take this time and blame my wonderful husband for not kicking me out of bed when I was supposed to get up. The top brass here at the office had deigned me worthy for “flexi-hours”. But, I’m on probation for the next 6 months, as HR informed me this morning. So, we’ll see how it goes. It works well for me, coz I have to drop and fetch my baby at daycare.

It was sort of weird driving past the office this morning, on the way to daycare… I was thinking to myself that if I didn’t have to drop the kid, I would have been on time. Also, if the day care was on the way to work, I would have been on time as well. Instead, I drive past the office every morning, and then drive back. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s worth it. The baby is well taken care of in the BEST day care (and most expensive) I could find.

I have a grand total of 5 work outfits. The new pants I bought is dragging on the floor today. I forgot to put a seam in last night. It’s the weirdest thing – I get home, hang with the baby; feed her. We have dinner. Then, I just pass out. I’m suddenly so tired that I need to just lie down. I then immediately fall asleep and we rinse and repeat for the next morning.

This morning, as I drove past the mall, a deep longing seized me. If only I could go to the really expensive hairdressers again. My spending habits had to change after the conception of my bundle of joy. And, I’d rather have her than awesome hair. It’s just that, sometimes I miss the perks that came with money. So, the plan is to study further, and stick it out in this job till my contract comes to an end (next year). Then, I will look for a better paying job.

I’ve always been really good at going for interviews. It’s also strange. I plan an outfit, do my hair nice, put on some make-up, etc, when i have an interview. My vocabulary (and CV) is very good, and I use it to full effect when speaking to prospective bosses. But, the crazy thing is, I can’t be bothered to do all that for daily work. I wish I could work in a place that’s les… serious and full of deadlines.

I’m happy at my current office, don’t get me wrong. But, if I could fantasise about the perfect job for me, it would be as I said above – jeans every day. No or few deadlines. Hi tech, where everyone at least had a nodding acquaintance with Twitter, for crying out loud. Friendly people. Very little pressure.

I don’t know.

I wonder which line of business would have suited me better. Journo-ism is full of deadlines. But, if it were a job I’m good at and where I know what I’m doing, I wouldn’t mind having a deadline to do it in, as long as it’s reasonable.

Child care? Who would have me?

My master plan is to try applying for work with the government if all else fails. They are always hiring as far as I know. I just wanna get out of the audit game at some point. It’s rather repetitive. And feels like a lot of stress all for nothing.

I was hoping my body would go back to it’s pre-pregnancy shape, but it seems not. I am now 2 pants sizes bigger than I was last year. Hopefully things will fall into place in time.

I knew I should have packed some food for today… I’m hungry. Gonna see what I can forage.

A fresh approach

I’m back at work, and it’s almost like I was never away. From day one responsibility and deadlines are thrust upon me. But, hey, that’s what pays the bills.

My little baby is at daycare. I take her there every morning before work and fetch her after. I chose the most efficient, friendly and clean place I could find. The babies are well taken care of, with 2 babies per caretaker. It was also the most expensive place, but when it’s about your baby’s safety and security, no price is too high. The experience and qualifications of the ladies at the daycare was also a bonus.

My husband is doing his honours degree part time, working full time and he plays rugby. He gets the baby ready every morning, while I get myself ready. Chores are on a first come first served basis. We wash clothes and dishes and clean every now and then. This is turning out to take a lot of getting used to.

Sometimes I cook. It’s not frequent or gourmet, or anything, but I do try.

My baby seems to be growing like she gets fertilizer dumped on her at daycare. I miss her a lot during the day. Dropping her off every morning is heartbreaking, but I’m getting better at it. She usually just sleeps or giggles and smiles when she gets dropped off. I hope this will continue as she becomes more aware. She is a good baby.

Last night at 9pm she woke up after a 3 hour nap, she wanted play time. So, her daddy and I took turns having her on our laps. We even did some scrapbooking. I want to document her growth as closely as possible. She is growing with much speed.

I have decided to write the CISA exam in June of this year. Husband and I did some studying last night while the baby slept. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

There’s something about the environment here at the office. It’s very… I don’t know – it’s like the climate here is very competitive, but friendly and helpful. Everyone wants to learn and succeed. There are many successful people here at the office. I am having third thoughts about my second thought on writing my board exam again. I already had a lady offer me her notes for QE 1.

I’m blown away by how the people around you can influence you. I think this is a major component of why my prior job was less than fun. Everyone there was frazzled and tired and over-worked. The negativity has a way of rubbing off on co-workers.

My original point was that I have created a study plan for the year and I think it is attainable. The result of this CISA exam will set the tone for the QE exam, I think. Methinks I want some letters behind my name.

These days, my baby giggles and sings. She enjoys trying to stand. She likes sitting and watching television. Sometimes she topples herself while sitting. Next thing you know, her face is in the cushions and she’s on her stomach.

She has a pronounced dimple on her right cheek. It’s adorable. She still has eyes of deepest ebony. Her legs and arms are decidedly pudgy. But, she is healthy and growing well.

At the end of next week, I have to take her for immunization shots again. My leave has been approved and everything. It breaks my heart. She is very brave though. She doesn’t cry much. She stops soon after starting. But, having to have her hurt is just awful. But, I’d rather she got the vaccinations, than her getting polio or some other preventable calamity.

I applied for flexi-hours on Monday. They have been approved. I start work earlier, but I get to go fetch my baby and go home earlier too. I beat a lot of the bad traffic. So far it is absolutely worth it; especially with the help of my husband every morning. I am truly blessed as far as that’s concerned.

The secret to happiness is to be grateful, after all.

I have the cutest picture of my husband holding my baby the day after she was born. I picked up a picture frame at the office supplies store down the street yesterday. It’s awesome to see the two of them every time I look up. I’ve been thinking about adding a few more recent pictures of them to the wall of my little office. I miss them so much every day.

Last weekend my husband’s rugby team beat their opponents 19-0. In the rain. I didn’t see much of the match. I was engaged in attempting to make sense of Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities. It reminds me of when I read David Copperfield 8 years ago. Dickens takes a really long time to describe things. I was 25 pages into the story and nothing had really happened yet. There was just a lot of describing.

This coming weekend there will be another rugby match. I’ve decided to pay better attention this time around. It would be awesome to see the husband in action. He has worked off about 15 kg’s since the end of last year. I’m monstrously proud of him; and just as monstrously jealous. My baby birthing fat is clinging to me for dear life.

I’ll be switching medical aids soon. I’ve done the paperwork. I eagerly await the results.

I’m broke. I’m broker than broke. The paradigm of my life has shifted in huge leaps in a relatively short amount of time. Last year this time, I was skinny, living with my parents, very un-pregnant, nobody’s mommy, had few responsibilities, spent most of my money on travel and clothes. Today, I am a co-home owner, somebody’s (large) mom, responsible for co-cooking, co-cleaning and stocking the fridge. My budget has done a 180 and there is almost zero wiggle room. Things will improve, I’m hoping.

On the whole, life is good. I wake up next to the two loves of my life every morning; my best friend and my baby. The fridge is stocked, my car is gassed. I have a great job. My parents and his have been very supportive in all ways, especially financially – which has been a great help. Setting up house is amazingly expensive, despite all the wedding gifts we received.

Last year I was a skinny free agent, but utterly miserable. Today I am a post-pregnancy mommy with a fixed schedule and budget – I couldn’t be happier.

blessed blossoms

my baby girl is awesome.

with every day that passes, she becomes even cuter - if that's even possible.

some things i particularly enjoy about her, is when she is having her feeding times, she would hold one of my fingers, like my pinky, with her whole hand. sometimes, she looks at me like i'm the only thing she is really intent on looking at. it's awesome.

she smiles and giggles and gurgles. she really enjoys baths, even when she is upset.

my baby girl went for her second set of immunisations today. 1 oral and 2 needle. it was awful. she took the oral medicine very well, smiling and grimacing at the cold of it. the needles in her legs were not fun at all. she cried more last time than this time. an awesome surprise though, was that her dad showed up, just as she was really having a good cry. her dad is good at getting her calm. so, he took her in his arms, and she was better.

my baby has been sleeping all day since. that can't be good. she needs to eat every few hours. so, i'm waiting for that.

i've been calling day care centres, the time approaches for me to go back to work. for someone like me, who can't even go to gym for an hour and be comfortable with leaving her with someone else, it's gonna be very difficult for me. so far, i have'nt found a place for her yet. there seems to be a grave shortage of day care facilities in this town. i also don't wanna leave my baby with just anyone.

she is a friendly individual. she is becoming curious. it's all very cute. her personality is developing. it's awesome to watch. and it just rips my heart out to know that i won't be around to experience her other developmental milestones.

she has big brown intelligent eyes. they study the world around her with such vigour. it's awe inspiring.

i'm gonna miss her like crazy.

i reject your reality and substitute my own

I reject your reality and substitute my own

So, I am in the final weeks of my glorious maternity leave. In over a little more than 6 weeks, I will be returning back to work. Not really looking forward to that. I mean, who’s gonna look after my baby satisfactorily.

For one thing, I don’t think my baby needs to cry. She shouldn’t have to. I know when she is hungry or tired or needs a change. I know when she has painful winds and so on. It is of paramount importance that her basic needs are taken care of before she feels the need to complain bitterly about them. I mean, that’s just abuse – leaving a baby to cry.

My great resolution to go to gym daily has fallen flat on its face on day 2. Yesterday was fairly brutal. My heart rate was way up. I attend the gym classes. Today I am missing an aerobics session. Yesterday we used a torture device, or “gymstick” as they call it. It was just… brutal.

On waking up this morning, my entire body cried out in pain. Arms, legs and other muscle-y bits just weren’t having it. So, I stayed in bed instead of the plan – which would be to make a bottle for the kid, get her washed and in her cot for the trip.

Getting ready for any trip these days is one long process. There are so many things a baby needs. Can’t go anywhere without a prepared nappy bag, including sterilised and filled bottle of milk – either mine or some formula. The baby needs to be bathed at least daily; clean clothes, clean blankets, clean spit-up napkin. It’s a lot of work. Preparation takes time. And more time means rising earlier in the morning. Not exactly my forte.

It’s been raining here a lot this week, which is great for the miniature garden at the back of the house. For some unknown reason, the side door to the garage has swollen shut and cannot be opened. My washing machine is in that garage. And we lock the garage door from the inside. The result? Can’t get to the washing machine. No laundry can be done. Total disaster.

Hanging out with my little ‘un has been awesome. She sleeps, eats and makes dirty nappies. Sometimes she smiles at me. Huge gummy grins. They are just the cutest damn thing. She is just the cutest damn thing. She sucks on her whole hands, and wails out when no milk miraculously seeps from them.

She has the curliest hair I’ve ever seen on a baby. Her hair is a feathery texture; soft. When stretched out, the hair is fairly long. She is only just over 2 months old now. I really should be taking more photos. My baby is a honey brown colour. I suppose this is the colour the tanning industry is built on. She is just the perfect yummy colour.

My baby has big brown eyes. They used to be pools of purest black during the first weeks of her life. But, subtly, the brown appeared. It’s a very deep dark brown, much like her dad’s.

Being at home with a baby is more work than it seems. When she is awake, she is prone to crying if she is alone in a room. I don’t want to leave my baby by herself. I’m pretty worried that something might happen to her. So, when she is awake, I hang out with her. When she sleeps, I get a chance to do chores. Dishes, laundry (when I can get to the machine); just general cleaning, picking up, straightening up, dusting, wiping, cooking.

Sigh

I have a lot to do.

The grocery shopping has been a rude awakening. It’s more expensive to eat than I first thought. I’ve been living off my parents far too long. I blew my budget thrice over so far. And, it’s difficult to buy healthy. Fruit and veggies tend to go bad fairly quickly, which means more trips to the shops for me. And, trekking outside with a kid – very tiring and time consuming.

The bugs in this house are driving me bonkers. We have an ant invasion. And 2 different kinds of ant poison lying around. The mozzies are having banquets on us. I hate it when they get my baby. She has a mozzie net, which is yet to be hung over her cot. The prior tenants must have had pets, because I have seen fleas on a couple occasions. We have replaced the disgusting carpet in the main bedroom with hardwood flooring. The baby’s room still has to be done. She currently resides in the main bedroom.

Somehow, the carpet in the tv room has to be cleaned. I have no idea how I’m gonna accomplish this. We have these fabulous rugs covering the nastier stains. It bugs me though – these bugs. And stains.

My life has taken a turn for the awesome. Despite all the work and effort that goes into daily life these days – with the focus that has shifted from me-me-me, to house, home, baby and husband – I am so grateful for my life. I have an awesome husband, a gorgeous baby and our own home. Life is wonderful and I am good enough. Finally.

Baby Love

My baby girl is just over 7 weeks old now.

She is the cutest damn thing.

The routine has become easier. Nappies and feedings and sleepings are more predictable. She doesn't cry much, she's very calm and sweet.

I'm worried about the immunisations that are happening in a week. Will be the 1st time I am there while they happen. The nurse explained to me that the medicine will be burny to my baby. And she will cry a bit. Bitterly, I expect. I hope she will be able to forgive me for it, it can't be helped. I hate that sad look she gets on her face sometimes. Heartbreaking.

Hopefully the husband will be able to go with. I don't know how I'm gonna handle my baby in pain. Live and learn, I suppose.

The grandparentals have been almost swooning over the little baby. It's awesome.

Everything is turning out just... wonderfully.

Going back to work is gonna be ... awful.